A Lover's Dream
by Schu
Summary: Ken Looks back on his life...His lover...will he ever love again?
1. Memories

 Disclaimer: I don't own Ran or Ken or anyone that has to do with Weiß or Schwarz *sighs sadly* *runs off with Schuldig, Ran and Ken* shhhh you didn't see that...

~*~Chapter One~*~ Memories

            I sat up from my cold bed looking around me not liking what I saw...until my eyes came to the picture that never left the night stand next to my bed.  It was a picture of the day that we went to the park...I can never forget that day...

The day that I told him how I felt.  

            I smiled as tears fell down my face as the memory brought sadness to my heart...

Sadness that only a lover would feel.

~*~Flashback~*~

            I sat there crying my eyes out...I just heard that my parents were killed in a wreck...yeah sure I hadn't seen them for a long time and to them I was dead but it still hurt...hurt so much to know that my family was gone...Weiss was my family but how could I deny that I cared for my parents...the three other Weiss members just stood around not knowing what to do.  I looked at them and my eyes came to rest on the tall redhead.  I thought once that I liked him but quickly put out the idea in my head...me liking a guy no way...Yohji now we never know.  

            That thought sent a somewhat sad ripple of laughter through me but not penetrating the surface.  How many days went by that I found my self watching his every move...this redhead made me feel things I never felt before...but why am I thinking of this when all my heart can fill is pain.  Pain...is all it ever felt.  We soon got into the car and drove home...no one spoke a word.  

            We all got out the car the same way; I went up to my room to cry more not caring what the others did.  A few minutes a heard a soft knock on the door I struggle to suppress my urge to curse and tell them to leave me the fuck alone...why can't they leave me alone.  

            I decided against my curses and kept quite...hoping that they would think me asleep.  But the gods hated me...the person knocked again a little bit more loudly...I kept quite hoping they would just go away! 

"Ken?"

            The soft voice that I so long to hear before called my name...why did it have to be Aya...I thought I was over him but I guess I wasn't.  I tried telling my self that I didn't love him but it never did work...he wouldn't love me anyways we all knew how Aya held the eye of every girl that walked into the flower shop...

"Ken please I need to talk to you"

            I sat up a little...why would he want to talk to me!? I don't need him...but I know that's a lie I do need him.  So much it makes my heart hurt even more.  I thought maybe he would get the idea I didn't want to talk to anyone...which I knew was a lie but the redhead could never know that.  Slowly I saw the door creak open. I guess he wasn't going to give up...I just stare at him as he comes into the room and shuts the door behind him.  Why won't he just leave me alone?  I watch as he walked to my bed and sat down...why does my heart hurt so...

"Ken I'm sorry about your parents"

            He looked at me and I saw not the mask that he usually wore but sadness in those amethyst eyes.  I turn my head from him not wanting to look at those sad eyes...why won't he leave me alone...

"Ken. Please look at me."

            I refuse his plea even though I knew that in it held longing...Longing I'm just joking with my self he doesn't care. No one does.  

"Ken Please..."

            He stops but reaches out his hand touching my chin softly moving my face to face his.  His eyes shine with tears that he would never shed...Aya...almost crying...This was almost unbelievable.  He wouldn't cry for me...no one would. 

"Ken I know you hurt...and I know that what I said a week ago probably doesn't help much but..." 

            I suddenly remember about what he had said....

*inter-flashback*

            He sat there looking at me wondering what I wanted to talk to him about...he didn't even know that I was about to tell him that I liked him...

"Aya...I like you...as more than a friend..." 

            I finally get it out but can't look into the redhead's eyes.  I hoped and prayed that he would say that he liked me too...

"Ken...I...I'm sorry..." 

            That's all he said before he got up and walked to the door...I wasn't going to let him just walk out and not say why or even finish his sentence.  

"Tell me the rest Aya"  

            I still couldn't look into his eyes...he didn't say anything or move until finally his soft low voice broke the silence.  

"Ken I'm not that way I don't like you and never will so just leave it at that? I have been seeing you eyes and don't like it so leave alone...." 

            He ran out of the room then...leaving me with that...

*end of inter-flashback*

            The last thing he said was for me to leave him alone and that's what I did....after that day all I did was cry in my room...I locked the door and told them I was sick...finally almost a week after Aya told me about how he felt I was getting better....But today we got that call and...And...why did they have to die...I know that I didn't live with them but...that didn't mean I didn't love them.....I felt tears form in my eyes I couldn't hold it in anymore...soon I started sobbing over the loss of my family...A warm had touched my forehead and ran through my hair...Aya...He's still here...but why...I move my head to look up at him, tears still falling...

"Why....have you stayed with me?"  

            He looked at me with sadness in his Amethyst eyes...but he told me to leave him alone...

"I'm sorry Ken...I shouldn't have said what I said...I was scared..." 

            He looked down at my bed...Scared? But why...I don't understand why he would be scared.  Aya...Aya has never been scared ever in his life!...I don't believe this...he is just making up excuses so that he can seem all innocent and make him self feel better because I knew he knew that I was hurt by what he had said.

            I looked at him.  I wanted to just give in but I knew I couldn't there was no way in the world...I have been hurt too much and more hurt is NOT what I need right now!

"I'm sorry Aya but I need to be alone..."

            He looked so hurt...He got up with out saying anything and walked out...Did I do the right thing? Or was he telling the truth...I guess I will never know will I? I laid my head down on the sheets of my bed and felt the coolness of the silk seep into me.  So cold. Always so cold.  While laying there not saying a word I started to listen to the words of the song on the radio.

            The pouring rain soaks everything 

            You, who I loved, fade away...

            Even though I'm pounded by the dull rain,

            I don't need an umbrella,

            Because I'm alone.

            So that's what my life is going to be like...an endless world of rain...of being alone.

A.N. Well here is the first chapter of my new RanxKen fanfic ^^ I really missed ranxken stuff since I totally exploded on SchuxRan stuff lol anyways this is really sad and well this fic is going to be really sad alllllll the way through it so deal with it lol! Anyways lots of RanxKen-ness in this fic oh yes in deed lol well I will write more Please Review!!!!!!!!! It means soooo much to me when you do....thanks a million and more...bai bai 


	2. Cloudy Days

~*~Chapter Two~*~ Cloudy Days

I awoke that morning with a terrible headache.  I got up and went to the bathroom looking in the mirror. 

"Geeze..." 

            I hissed to my self. I look terrible; eyes red and swollen face all red from crying.  Now if only I could stay in my room so no one could see my face all would be fine except that I have to work. 

"Why me!" 

            I yelled a little too loudly.  Hopefully everyone was either asleep or not paying attention to it .  Maybe they will think I tripped or something like they usually do.  I went back into my room to get my clothes and towel and went to take a shower.  Unfortunately I was stopped on my way to the bathroom by Yohji.

"So it was you that yelled...I can see why." 

            I glared at him while he just grinned back at me as he knew he could hit me where it hurt today.

"Not going to talk to me?  Aww poor Ken didn't have someone to sleep with last night.  Did your little friend Aya leave you on the street?"

            I decided I was just going to ignore him and walk on.  I took my first step and I was stopped by his hand.

"Don't think you're going on without talking to me Ken!"

"Just leave me alone Yohji!" 

            I ran past him and into the bathroom locking the door.  What he had said hurt me more than he could know. Why does Yohji have to be such an ass just cause he didn't have someone to sleep with doesn't mean that he has to pick on me?  

            I get into the shower and just stand there letting the warmness of the water seep into me.  So much different from the coldness of my heart.  If only my heart...I shook my head, I cant think of that because it will never happen.

"Ken are you ok? I heard you yelling with Yohji."

            Was that him...Ran did he come to see if I was ok.  He really does care about me, doesnt he.

"Ken?"

            His voice sounds a little more worried.  Worried him. Why would he worry unless he really cared? Like always the memory of the night when he told me to leave him alone popped into my head.

            I get through the mornings

            When I'm alone and you're not here just fine.     

            But now even the memories I can't even handle

            Are like an interrupted movie.

"Ken please answer me!"

"Nani?" 

            I replied in an emotionless voice.  Why can't he just leave me alone...but I need...NO! I don't need him.

"Ken are you ok?"

            He sounds like he really cares.

"I'm fine! Can't a person take a shower?!"

            I hear a sigh come from him and the sound of feet walking away from the door.  Did I just say that so meanly?  I sigh and turn off the shower getting out and drying off.  I guess I really screwed up everything right? But than he didn't care anyways, right?

            I get dressed and walk down to the shop grumbling, I didn't want to work today all I wanted to do was stay in my room alone. 

            In the shop waiting was Ran.  I went to where some roses were and started working on them not looking at him.  Why did he have to work with me he just made it worse?

"Ken...Are you still mad at me?"

            I stay concentrated on the flowers.  Mad Me?  I guess you could get that from the way I have been acting but than why shouldn't I be mad at him.  With all the things he has done to me. I mean gosh first he pushes me away than he lies by saying that he was scared and than he tries to act like he cares about me.  Geeze Fujimiya Ran how much suffering are you going to put me through?

"Ken please talk to me."

            A warm hand touched my shoulder and turned me to face him.  I looked at the floor refusing to look at him.  Before I knew it I was pulled in to a warm hug.  My hardness was weakening and I then heard that the radio was on...

            The sun has warmed this feeling

            Bit by bit, I want to raise this love 

            No I can't let him do this to me...make me feel like he cares about me but my body wouldn't let me push away.  So warm...why refuse such warmness...That's the last thought before I melted and returned the embrace and to hear a soft whisper.

"I love you"

A.N. Well here is the second chapter of A Lovers Dream.  Oh if anyone's confused this whole story is a memory.  Ken is looking at the picture and thinking back to these days.  Oh and the inter-flashbacks are set in like the flashback is not the main story and that old ken is remembering. kind of confusing if you don't understand please ask I wouldn't want someone not to read cause they didn't understand ^^ just e-mail or leave a review saying that you don't understand I will make sure I try to explain it to you ^^ Anyways thanks for reading now please review hehe thanks a bunch for those who did review it ^^ bai

~Schu~


	3. Pain Once More

~*~Chapter Three~*~ Pain Once More

"I love you"

            Did he really say that to me?  I pushed away from him.  NO! He couldn't mean that he loved me with all this stuff that I have been going through, one moment he wants to care than the next he doesn't.  I look to the ground not wanting to look at him.

"Ken please doesn't do this.  I love you."

            He's acting like just by saying those words it makes it all better!  Well it doesn't I look up at him madly.

"You say them but do you mean them?"

            I stormed off to my room leaving the red head speechless.  Maybe he did care...but why would he play games with me if he did?  I ran to my room and lay on my crying.

            A few moments later I heard a knock on the door.  Damn! Why couldn't I remember to lock my damn door! 

"What?"

"Ken, please I really do mean it when I say it.  I'm sorry if I have seemed mean before..."

            Why me! Does he really mean it? Or is it just a ploy...Why do I have to deal with him messing with my heart. 

                                                Memories can fade to another place,

                                                But never to disappear.

                                                Only to haunt you in the race,

                                                When you look into the mirror.

            I held my head as memories came rushing back. Painful memories.

~*~Inter-flashback~*~

            I laid there next to my lover, Kase.  The most wonderful person in the world.  I smiled as he moved a little in his sleep.  He was such a peaceful sleeper.  His eyes suddenly opened and he looked straight at me.

"Ohayo Kase-kun"

            I smiled at him thinking this was such a wonderful sunny day even though it wasn't the sun that was sunny it was Kase's face.  He didn't look happy though I didn't understand why...Did I do something wrong.  It was our first time but I thought it would be ok because we loved each other.

"KEN YOUR A B*TCH!"

            I blinked at him wondering why he called me that why all of sudden he was so mean.  Before I could think another thought he punched me in the face, it was so hard it threw me off the bed.  I sat there holding my face looking at the ground.  Kase...hit me...but why I don't understand.

"Kase why?"

            I looked up at him from the ground.  His face was a constant frown never changing.  The light from his eyes was gone and was now black. Why did he change like this, he has never hurt me before.  I looked at the bed and lost track of the outside world, still holding my face I felt weight press me down and I couldn't move.  

"Kase what are you doing stop!"

            All that happened after that was lost I quickly retreated to that spot of privacy in my mind where no one could hurt me while outside was quite a different story...

~*~End of Inter-flashback~*~

            I closed my eyes as tears fought to come out.  I remember waking up after that and walking to put clothes on.  I barely could walk home where my parents were gone and I had found out that I was kicked out of the football league.  Then something happened and the next thing I knew I was with Weiß.

            I sighed as I knew that even though I could put away the memory I could never forget.  A knock rang out between my thoughts as I remembered Ran was outside.  I got up and opened the door.

"Oh Hi Yohji what do you want?"

            He stared at me noting the fact that my face was red from tears.  He only sighed and shacked his head.

"Go take a nap Ken I will take over for you."

            He patted me on the head and walked off before I could even say thanks.  I decided to listen to his advice and closed the door and fell onto my bed only to lay conscious for a few seconds before I slipped into a deep sleep.

A.N.  Well what did you think? Very sad...The little lyrics aren't lyrics they're actually a little poem I wrote for this fic ^^ It just came to mind I had thought about putting that little memory in some fic and this was the one lol anyways please review ^^ I love reviews keeps me going. Hmm well bai bai *hugs ken* poor ken

~Schu~


	4. Just a Little Kid

..::Chapter Four::..Pain

            As I looked around I found my self in Ran's room sitting on his bed.  Where was I?  Why am I here?  Before I could think anymore on the subject a beautiful red head walked into the room.

"Ran...."

            He only smiles at me as he walks to the bed sitting next to me.  He places his hand under my chin pulling me close to his face.  Next thing I know we are only inches from each others face.  I could smell the sweet scent that was Ran...Fujimiya Ran the one I love.

"Ran I love you." 

            He moved in closer as his warm sweet lips touched mine for a short second before I was pushed off the bed and on to the ground.  I look up at him shocked not knowing how to take that or what to say.

"Ken you're so stupid for falling in love with me.  Well that is if you want to call your pathetic love real love"

            He laughs somewhat crazy sounding.  Why was he being so mean to me, I thought he loved me? 

"Ken you pathetic B*tch you're so gullible."

            As I search his eyes for the Ran that I know...but I turn away not finding a single part of him alive.  I looked down to the ground starting to cry.  Why did he have to do this to me....take my love and throw it all away.  I felt a hand warm hand on my shoulder...maybe he's just not feeling good and is going to help me up.  But before I could look to see if that was true he was taking off my shirt and heading to my pants.  I stand up quickly pushing him away.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING RAN!?"

            He just continued to grin as if this was his plan the whole time.  I walked back as Ran started to lessen the space between us.  No I screamed in my head you stay over there this is not how I want things to be....you took my love away and cut it up I don't want to...not if you don't love me. 

            Before I knew it my back came across the wall as I was now in a pinch with no where to go.  I look worriedly to the door and at Ran hoping that I could run to the door and make it to my room before he could catch me.

"Don't even try it the door is locked and I am the only one who has the key."

            NO!!!!!! Why does this have to happen...Ran I love you but your. You're not being your self.  I strong hand holds my left wrist against the wall as I try to fight him off with my right he decides to take both my wrists and hold them up with his left hand above my head.  He's too strong to fight back. 

            I try and try and try to get my arms loose but he stands strong at holding them above my head.  I look at him...into his eyes pleading with him not to do what I knew he was going to do.  He shook his head and grinned more moving his right hand slowly to my pants as he managed to un do them and make them fall to my ankles.  

"Ran...Plea...please don't..." 

            Tears fall more freely now.  Why is he doing this to me....am I just some sex toy is that what he has thought.  I'm just a gullible kid who he can get into bed.  He lets go of my wrists only to push me on the bed.  I search for that hidden place where I can go away from everyone else but its not there.  I have to go through this torture alone. 

            A new set of tears flow from my eyes as sharp pain comes to my body and continues to pulsate thought my body. I hear some sounds coming from Ran...pain. Is all I can see...feel...or think.

                                                Pain is living,

                                Pain is dieing.

                                Pain is with out you,

                                But pain is with you.

                                                Pain is mind,

                                                Pain is heart,

                                                Pain is everything.

A.N. oo Sorry if this is umm yeah well I'm in a weird mood poor ken I guess its bashing ken story I promise this wont be soo sad.  I'm sorry for this chapter if it got a little yeah it's my first time to write something that goes into it like that.  Well hopefully I wont write more like that bai bai 

~Schu~


	5. Facing Reality

..::chapter Five::..Dream or Reality?

            I jumped and sat forward as a warm hand was pressed to my hand.  The hand moved and it was replaced with a cool.

"I wonder what is wrong..."

            Ran...is that Ran...but why does he care about me...with what he did... I open my eyes and close them right after...geeze it must be sometime around noon it's really bright outside.

"Ken are you ok?  How do you feel?"

"Ran...Get...away!"

            I regretted those three words right after they left my mouth.  He looked at me so sad I didn't think I could bear it.  He seemed hurt...but why should he be hurt when he...he...Tears started to wield up in my eyes... 

"Ken...what's wrong?"

            He looked at me so worried.  He took my hand to give me support and I let it stay there for a brief second forgetting what he had done to me.  His hand was so warm...so warm...I suddenly remembered what he did and I pull back my hand.  His face again shows sadness beyond any emotion I have seen from him.  Am I wrong to act this way? To feel this way?

"Ken...what happened in your dream that..."

            I watched as he looked down and didn't continue his sentence...but then it hit me..Dream? It was all a dream...but it was so real...How could it be...my thoughts were interrupted by a very worried red head.

"Your blood sugar was really low and you wouldn't wake up...I was so worried about you Ken...You must have had a really bad dream..."

            I think about it remember laying down to take a nap then I gasp as I remember how fast I feel asleep and remember feeling kind of weak but tried to ignore the fact that I probably need sugar.  This whole time I thought he did. Such a thing to me and it was all just a dream...How could I think Ran would do such a thing to me...but then Kase. A new set of tears rolled down my face at the thought of my former lover.  It has been almost two years since I have seen Kase...and I'm hoping it to be the last.

"Ran...I'm sorry I don't want to talk about it."

            He nodded and got up to answer the door which I didn't even hear the knock but sure enough a small blonde was standing outside the door asking about how I was doing.  I only heard a few of Ran's words which were "He needs rest you can come back later Omi if you want to see him."  With a nod from the small blonde the door closed and Ran walked the few steps to get back to the side of the bed.

"Ken whenever you are ready to talk I am here...I love you"

            I didn't respond...but then I didn't know how.  Should I respond by saying "I love you"?  But do I really feel that way...Would I have believed that dream if I really loved him?  I think about those things as a song on the radio comes to my attention.

                                                Love is there but is it true?

                                We play games but what do they mean?

                                I am so lost and confused.

                                Why can't you help me find my way...?

                                Find my road to travel.

A.N. Here is another chapter ^^ sorry if that's short or if it is badly written.  Usually I don't play ahead but this time I did but I wrote the first part one day then a week or two later wrote the next part.  It took a bit to figure out how I was going to start this chapter I just couldn't get the beginning to sound like I wanted it to ...well here it is the next chapter of A Lover's Dream.  Please review makes me sad when readers don't review *sniffles* bai

~Schu~


End file.
